Friday, 6 March 2009

Everyone can play! Don't spoil it.

Nice to see Plane Stupid getting into the whole throwing food thing.

Green custard thrown at Mandelson

I mean, the idea of throwing food at people you don't like was hardly a new idea, even in its heyday in the Middle Ages I suspect, but I really think this is the way forward, and don't mind taking some credit here. (And sometimes, I appreciate, the whole locking them in medieval torture devices before hand isn't possible, yes, ok, so this is fine with me.)

May I also applaud Ms Deen, 29, for her inspired choice. Green -- get it? -- custard. Not sure WHY custard, really, when there are plenty of other foodstuffs that are more naturally green, but then maybe that's the point.

And know what? I blow a big raspberry at anyone who calls it 'adolescent' (Mandy himself) or 'childish' (doubtless all the Usual Morons on BBC's HYS), because why the hell not? As Ms Deen, 29, herself says, 'When democracy is failing you have to resort to any means necessary as long as it is peaceful and does not harm other human beings.' And why shouldn't that involve non-toxic edible pudding toppings? Plus, IMHO, it is just really, really funny.

'But where is it all going to end?' I hear the outraged Daily Mail reader cry, 'What will become of us in Food Projectile Britain?!?' Frankly, I LOVE the idea of people walking around throwing food at each other. All the time. For whatever reason. Bring it on.

Though hold on. Now that I think about it, Human Nature would intervene and spoil the party, wouldn't it? I mean, you'd have some idiot, inevitably taking the whole thing too far, not knowing when to stop, driving by with bottles pointing out of car windows, spraying children at bus stops with cola, which is just cruel. Kids at high school would come to identify themselves with what they threw at each other, so it would just exacerbate those sad divisions that already exist: the jocks would pour protein drinks down the computer geeks' pants, who could only limply reply by inexpertly lobbing the firm bananas their moms packed in the lunch. The emo kids would clutch their useless porridge as the heavy-metal rockers sadistically whipped beef jerky strips at them (those things are sharp, you know!) Then you'd have class warfare playing itself out in the wider society: Little chav boys and girls would try to earn their asbo-badges by hurling around the most inappropriately covered chips (curry, mushy peas and gravy) while posh kids would toss osetra caviar from the windows of their chauffeur-driven Land Rovers... oh dear how the clich├ęs do pile up!

Is there no hope for Humanity? Can we not even indulge in this happy sport without succumbing to our basest, most primitive instincts?

(Me? I'd walk around slapping people with marinated tofu steaks. That's really no better, is it?)


  1. right, it's on.
    come on, actual current students of the Sloz. You know you read this, so turn up to class armed with custard of your preferred hue, and fire at will. It's your psychoanalytic duty.

  2. Yeah. I'd welcome it. But... alas, I have no face-to-face students this term, so... safe!

    (Though anyone on my distance learning course is welcome to through any virtual nibbles, naturally.)